


Time to Say Goodbye by babs

by babs



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Drama, Episode Related, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-23
Updated: 2011-04-23
Packaged: 2017-10-18 13:30:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/189374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babs/pseuds/babs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daniel's life is turned upside down by the return of someone he once knew.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Time to Say Goodbye by babs

The ringing phone pulled Daniel out of his contemplation of the glyphs SG-12 had photographed on P2E-003.

"Jackson," he answered, still keeping his eyes on the computer screen, unable to figure out the fourth glyph.

"Doctor Jackson, you are needed in the Gateroom immediately."

"Coming," Daniel said, glancing at the monitor one last time. Either he'd be working very late or glyphs would be haunting his dreams until he puzzled things through. He left his office, mentally running through the teams that were off-world and thinking of possible scenarios requiring his input. It wouldn't be the first time he'd been called to the Gateroom to do some translating through the wormhole to settle a misunderstanding. He decided to focus on those possibilities instead of the chance Jack, Sam or Teal'c, all at the Alpha Site doing trainings with some new recruits, were injured.

"Doctor Jackson." General Hammond met him in the hall. Daniel tried to read the commander's expression. Hammond didn't look worried, but concern was evident in his eyes. Daniel felt his stomach do a little flip-flop.

"What's wrong, sir?" he asked.

"I think there is someone you need to see," Hammond said before motioning for Daniel to enter the Gateroom.

Daniel went in the room, noticing little activity, certainly no medics moving in the organized chaos signifying someone was gravely injured. He looked to the Gate, noticing it wasn't active.

A man stood at the base of the ramp--a man Daniel thought he'd never see again, a man he'd said goodbye to four years before.

"Nick? Grandpa?" he whispered, unsure of how to react.

"Hello, Daniel." Nick looked at him and Daniel felt as if he was five again, being scrutinized by the man for the first time in his young life. But just as it had happened all those years ago, Nick's neutral expression changed and the old man smiled. "It is good to see you."

"Um, you too," Daniel said, pushing up his glasses and shifting his weight to his other foot. "Uh, Nick, I mean Grandpa, is there a reason you, you know." Daniel gestured to the Gate and made a spiral with his finger.

"I wanted to see my only grandson one last time," Nick said, "to say goodbye."

"We seem to do that a lot." Daniel was aware how frosty his voice sounded. He felt petty for the anger.

"Yes we do," Nick agreed. The old man sighed and Daniel looked at him again. Nick looked--for lack of a better word--frail. He hadn't thought about Nick aging during the time he'd been off doing whatever it was he did with those giant aliens, but here Nick was and he looked as if he'd aged twenty years instead of the four he'd been gone. Daniel didn't want to feel sympathy; he wanted to hang onto an anger he thought he'd dealt with years ago. But he couldn't, at least not now.

"I'm dying," Nick said even as Daniel thought it.

There was silence; Daniel was aware of that much. He didn't know what to say even though he was sure he should say something. But all the words he knew seemed to have fled his mind and in their place a soft echo of Nick's voice thumped, "I'm dying."

"Doctor Fraiser will take you to the infirmary, Doctor Ballard," General Hammond said. Daniel didn't remember Janet coming in to the Gateroom. She was standing by Nick, speaking to him softly.

"Doctor Jackson?" Hammond asked, his voice almost a whisper.

"I'm fine, sir. I'll just go with...Grandpa," Daniel said. He forced a smile and stepped closer to Nick. "We can take our time," he said and offered his arm.

"I don't need cosseting," Nick said. Daniel pulled his arm back, motioning for Nick to follow Janet. He walked behind them, aware of Hammond's eyes on them knowing his cheeks were burning with the sting of Nick's rejection. Well, some things never changed. Nick may have come back to say goodbye but it seemed he'd returned out of a sense of duty rather than any feeling for his grandson.

Janet and Nick disappeared into the infirmary and Daniel was left standing alone after Nick had made a comment about wanting privacy. One of the nurses walked by and he held out his hand. She stopped and looked up at him.

"May I help you, Doctor Jackson?"

"Would you tell Doctor Fraiser I'll be in my office if she needs me?" Daniel said in a rush. He could feel his stomach muscles clenching. He kept a smile on his face as the nurse said she would relay the message and walked away. Reaching his fingers underneath his glasses, Daniel rubbed at his eyes. His neck muscles were tight along with his shoulders and he could feel pain shooting up into his head.

By the time he made it back to his office, he'd added a thumping sensation to the headache. Searching in his desk for the bottle of aspirin he kept there, he swallowed two, washing them down with a swig of cold coffee. Grimacing at the taste, he sat down at his computer and hit the space bar to stop the screensaver and pull up the glyphs again. Work had always been his escape; he was sure it would help now.

Daniel reached out a hand to stop his alarm clock from ringing. When he couldn't find the off button, he looked up, realizing he was in his office on base and it was his phone currently jangling his nerves. He'd nodded off on his keyboard. Again.

"Jackson," he said, hunting for his glasses and something to drink at the same time. Janet's voice informed him she wanted to speak to him in the infirmary at his earliest convenience.

"I'll be there." Daniel hung up the phone and sighed, rubbing at his face. His headache was now a dull pain but his neck hurt from sleeping at a strange angle and, he still hadn't managed to find the key to translating the glyphs. He shook his head, trying to clear the cobwebs from his brain and decided to take a detour to the commissary to grab a cup of coffee before facing Janet and Nick.  


* * *

"Do you have any questions?" Janet asked, breaking the silence.

Daniel stared into his empty coffee cup, wishing it would refill. He glanced up and saw compassion in Janet's eyes. "There's nothing to ask is there, really? Nick has cancer. It's metastasized and it's only a matter of time."

"I can't tell you how much time he has left, Daniel," Janet said.

"I'm not asking you to give me a date." Daniel placed the styrofoam cup on her desk. He stood up and took a few steps towards her door and then back to the chair where he'd been sitting. "Do you think...could I...maybe I could take him home. To my home, I mean." Maybe taking care of Nick in his last days would prove how much he loved his only living relative.

"General Hammond has already informed me Doctor Ballard needs to remain at the SGC," Janet said. "He's considered a security risk due to his recent experiences off-world."

Daniel took the two steps back to Janet's door. She really needed a larger office. "General Hammond is afraid of what? That Nick will talk about giant aliens and crystal skulls? Why would anyone believe him? He was in a mental institution. And it's not as if we'd be going anywhere other than my house."

"Medically I think it is best for your grandfather to remain here also," Janet said. Daniel had the feeling Janet was humoring his little outburst. "We need to provide pain management for him and he needs full time care. He told me the aliens provided him with some sort of pain control in order to allow him to make it through the Gate."

"Can't we get hospice or something?" Daniel continued to argue. He needed to do this, needed to make up for the lost time.

"You're welcome to discuss the situation with General Hammond," Janet finally said and Daniel nodded. "But you also need to discuss this with Doctor Ballard."

"Yes, yes," Daniel said, waving a hand at her, and making his escape to General Hammond's office. Surely the general would agree to his plan.  


* * *

"What do you mean you don't want to come home with me?" Daniel asked. He knew he sounded hurt and petulant.

"You are a linguist. Surely you understand English," Nick said. He turned his head away from Daniel and closed his eyes. "I won't discuss it with you, Daniel. Now, go. I'm tired."

"I won't go. You're doing what you've always done--pushing me out," Daniel said, his voice getting louder. He heard the click of heels on the floor and lowered his voice. "Look, we've had so little time. Let me do this for you, Ni...Grandpa."

"I won't discuss it," Nick repeated. He opened one eye, regarding Daniel. "Go away."

"Daniel," Janet whispered. She motioned him away from the bed and Daniel gave one last look to Nick.

"I won't bother him anymore," Daniel said, before Janet could speak. "I offered to take him home with me, to take care of him. I'd do it for him, you know I would."

"I know. You need to understand--he's in pain, he's very sick."

"I know. I know." Daniel pinched the bridge of his nose. He looked in the direction of Nick's bed, noticing the curtains had been pulled closed. "I, uh, I'll be on base if you need me. I'll find somewhere to bunk down."

"I'll make a note of it on Nick's chart," Janet said.

"Is it okay if I say good night?" Daniel asked, waggling his index finger towards the bed.

"Go ahead."

Daniel pushed the curtain back, entering the small space around Nick's bed. His grandpa was sleeping, and even in sleep he looked sick and weary. Daniel noticed the DNR order posted above the bed. Evidently Nick had thought everything out before he'd come back to Earth. "I'm sorry," Daniel whispered, leaning over to place a kiss on the old man's forehead. There was no answer, but Nick moved his hand, covering Daniel's with his own. Regret for lost years welled up in him. Tomorrow he'd start over again, try to make the best of the time they had left together. If it meant swallowing his pride for a bit, he could handle it.  


* * *

Nick was propped up in the bed and Daniel was struck again at how small someone who was ill could look. He placed the books he thought Nick might enjoy on the bedside table and sat down in the chair by the bed.

"My journals and notes are in my backpack," Nick said. "You will probably want to read them."

"I want to talk to you," Daniel said, closing his eyes for a moment and folding the hand Nick couldn't see into a fist.

"Ah yes. There will be time to read them once I'm gone." Nick sighed.

"That's not what I mean and you know it," Daniel said, throwing up his hands. "Maybe this was a bad idea." He stood up, tired of playing the games. He stood up, looking around to make sure no one was seeing his little display of temper.

"Sit down." Nick ordered. The soft chuckle that followed the command shocked Daniel into obedience.

"Grandpa?"

"You *are* your father's son," Nick said and smiled. "He was a stubborn one. Telling me he was good enough for Claire even when I said no." He reached out a hand and Daniel took it, noticing how thin it was.

"Dad always said Mom was the stubborn one and I took after her," Daniel said. He held his breath until Nick spoke again.

"You look like her. You know that, don't you? I see her eyes every time I look at you," Nick whispered. Daniel swallowed hard as he noticed the tears in his grandfather's eyes. He wasn't sure what Nick saw in his expression and he bowed his head as Nick continued. "I miss her. Seeing you was a reminder of losing my only child." When Daniel opened his mouth, Nick shook his head. " I'm dying, Daniel. I've been a fool throughout most of my life. I want to make things right with you. Ask your forgiveness."

Daniel couldn't speak. He shook his head.

"I understand," Nick said, turning his head away.

"No. No." Daniel found his voice again, dismayed to hear it cracking. "I forgive you. I did a long time ago. I thought it was me. I thought there was something wrong with me that you didn't want me."

"We both have been fools," Nick said. He waggled his fingers, urging Daniel to lean close. Daniel did, feeling Nick's arm come around him in a weak hug. "I love you, Daniel. So many lost years."

Daniel didn't move, feeling wetness on his neck and letting his grandfather grieve. All those lost years, and he finally knew Nick was the one who had suffered the most. The arm around his neck tightened and then released a moment later. Daniel stayed where he was for a few seconds, giving Nick the time he needed to put back the gruff old man exterior. He sat up, smiling as Nick gave him a stern look. It didn't matter that Nick was frowning, that Nick was going to be difficult. Nick was here, Nick had come back to see him, and Daniel was going to treasure every moment.

"I brought some books along," he said and held up one for Nick to see. "I thought you might want to read."

"You read to me," Nick said, closing his eyes. "I'm listening."

Daniel smiled, moved the chair closer, put his hand over Nick's and started to read aloud.  


* * *

"Welcome back, Colonel." Hammond said as Jack and the others stepped through the wormhole.

Jack offered a jaunty salute. "Good to be back, sir. We really need to talk about these training missions again. Two weeks of rain? Next time I vote for Hawaii."

"We'll see what we can do."

There was humor in the reply but Jack noticed one familiar face was missing and Hammond was no longer smiling.

"Sir, where's Daniel?"

Damn, Carter beat him to the punch.

"A visitor came through the Gate two days after you left on your mission," General Hammond said, and Jack had a sinking feeling it wasn't going to be good news. Had someone come and snatched Daniel away on some top secret mission for one of their allies?

"A visitor that Daniel knows, I'm guessing," Jack said.

"Doctor Ballard," Hammond said, and from the clipped way he said it, Jack knew no more information would be forthcoming for the time being. "I'll see all of you in one hour in the briefing room to discuss the training missions. Post mission physicals and showers beforehand."

"Yes sir," Jack said. He glanced at his watch as they left the Gate room, realizing unless he ran into Daniel in the infirmary, the chances of having time to see him before their meeting with the general were practically nil.

It seemed luck was with him; he could hear Daniel's voice from a curtained off bed in the back of the infirmary as he passed by on his way to the bathroom. Daniel was talking, speaking in what sounded like German or Dutch.

Nick? Jack guessed but he knew there was no way to intrude on the privacy of the two.

"Doctor Jackson, Doctor Ballard." A nurse came to the curtains. "I need to do my checks."

"I'll be back later, Grandpa." Jack heard Daniel say. He moved away, not wanting Daniel to think he was eavesdropping. Jack turned, continuing to the bathroom.

"Jack?" There was no mistaking the joy in Daniel's voice and Jack pivoted to see Daniel taking the few steps that would bring him to Jack's side. "I didn't realize you were coming back today."

"Yeah. Finished up," Jack said. He was trying very hard to wait for Daniel to give up some information about Nick, but his partner didn't seem inclined to talk about that. Judging from the exhaustion in Daniel's face though, whatever it was, was bad.

"I'm glad you're back. Is everyone okay? No injuries?"

Jack held up his finger, pointing to a little mark. "I had a splinter. Gotta tell you, Carter really needs work on her bedside manner. She said I whine."

"Imagine that," Daniel said, then he leaned closer. "Want me to kiss it and make it better?"

Jack shrugged. "Carter wouldn't."

Daniel grinned for a second, but at the sound of a moan from behind the curtain, his expression changed to one of sorrow and pain.

"Daniel?" Jack asked, jerking his chin in the direction of the bed. He already knew it wasn't good when Daniel bowed his head, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"It's, uh, it's Nick. He," Daniel stopped, pressing his fingers against his eyes before looking at Jack again. "He has cancer. It's terminal." He pushed his hands into his pockets. "I have to go. I have a presentation I need to prepare. I'll see you later." And just like that, Daniel was striding out of the infirmary, before Jack could say anything more or offer any words of comfort. Frankly, knowing Daniel, that didn't surprise him in the least.

"How's Nick?" Jack asked Fraiser as she pulled off the blood pressure cuff a few minutes later.

"I can't discuss his condition with you, sir," Fraiser said. Jack admired her cool as a cucumber demeanor, but he'd seen the flicker of concern in her face before she answered. It was enough information.

"Maybe the better question is, how's Daniel?" Jack tried to look nonchalant, but Fraiser was as good at reading him as he was at reading her.

"He's been on base ever since Doctor Ballard returned." Fraiser wrote something in Jack's chart and then looked up. "I've tried to persuade him to go home for a decent night's sleep. But he's been resistant."  


* * *

Daniel looked like hell. Dark circles under his eyes, grooves at his mouth and hair that looked as if he hadn't combed it for a few days.

"We're going to have dinner in the commissary." Jack said and waited. He didn't tell Daniel they were foregoing their usual off-base meal to keep him company. From what he'd heard, it wasn't as if he'd get Daniel home anyway.

"That's nice," Daniel said, eyes fixed on the open file on his work table.

"You're not understanding me here, Daniel," Jack said, moving closer and putting his hands on Daniel's shoulders. The muscles were rock hard under his hands and he thought the best thing for Daniel would be taking him home and sticking him under a shower to loosen the tightness and then a massage. Some serious stress relief was what his doctor needed. "We, as in SG-1, which includes you."

"I have work to do," Daniel said, but he let out a little sigh as Jack kneaded a knot at the junction of his neck and shoulder. "Mmm."

"You're not gonna come home tonight, are you?" Jack asked. He stepped back a little as Daniel stretched and then stood.

Daniel looked at the floor, back at the files and the far wall, anywhere Jack noticed but at him. " I can't," he said. "I need to be here in case Nick...in case he needs me."

How many hours had Daniel spent at the old man's bedside while he and the others were off-world? Jack suspected it was a lot. He handed Daniel his glasses when his partner appeared to not be able to find them on the table. "Let's go." If he couldn't persuade Daniel to leave the mountain for a good night's rest, the least he could do was make sure Daniel had a decent meal.

"I need to finish this." Daniel waved his hand at the papers.

Jack reached over to the desk and closed the file folder. "It'll keep. C'mon. I'm hungry."

Daniel sighed. "Okay," he muttered. "I'll go."

"I'm sorry," Jack said as Daniel hesitated at the door. When Daniel looked at him, his eyes red with fatigue, Jack risked touching his shoulder again. "About Nick."

"Yeah," Daniel said. He ducked his head and began walking down the hall.

Jack pushed his hands into his pockets and followed, hoping his presence alone could provide some measure of comfort.  


* * *

He shouldn't have spent so much time with Jack, Sam, and Teal'c. He should have brought his work with him and continued to sit with Nick. Maybe Nick had something to say to him and he hadn't been there. He had been eating, trying to feel some semblance of normality in his life since Nick had shown up and sent everything spinning out of kilter and while he'd been talking to his teammates about their experiences on the training mission, Nick had slipped into a coma. The last conversation he'd had with Nick had been Nick asking him to pull the blankets higher. It didn't seem very fair, but then Daniel had learned time and again life wasn't fair, it just *was*.

"Daniel."

Daniel looked up from his vigil by Nick's bedside to see Janet and Jack standing there. "Hey."

"Daniel, I'm going to request you go home for the night," Janet said.

"But Nick..." Daniel stopped talking as his throat felt as if it was closing up.

"Terence needs to check some things."

Finally noticing the nurse standing on the other side of the bed, Daniel nodded and got up. "I'll be back," he told him.

"Do you think he knows I'm here?" Daniel asked, looking at Janet and then Jack after they had stepped a short distance away from Nick's bed. "Do you think he knew I wasn't here earlier?"

"We're not sure what people in comas are aware of," Janet said, but she sounded too much like a doctor. Daniel hoped Jack understood his questions better than Janet appeared to.

"I think he knows you love him," Jack said. Daniel met Jack's gaze and then turned back to look at Nick.

"I need to tell him goodbye. So he knows that I'll be back." Daniel said. He crossed his arms over his chest--the gesture making him feel stronger than he felt inside. A part of him knew Nick was going to die soon--that Nick had left in all but body, but the other part wanted some miracle to happen, and Nick to wake up and tell him he loved Daniel one last time.

"I'll let you spend five more minutes with him," Janet offered. "But then I want you to go home. You need a night away from this place."

The thought of sleeping in his own bed, of stretching out on the sofa, or eating some food other than that of the commissary was tempting. He was tired. Now that Jack was here, and his family had returned safely, he became aware of the bone numbing weariness that had set in as he single-mindedly focused on work and Nick. He was tired--and afraid. He could finally admit that to himself. Nick was going to die and his last tie to his parents would be gone forever.

Jack and Janet moved a respectful distance away, allowing him to go back to Nick's side. He looked down at his grandfather, his eyes closed, the pain lines Daniel had become used to seeing eased by his unconscious state and the medication. He knew he should say something, but his mind was blank. Another good-bye loomed before him and he had no words. It seemed that's all he and Nick had ever done, was say good-bye to each other. You'd think after so many good-byes, he'd have the whole routine down pat, but now, when it really mattered, he had nothing. He bent over the bed, leaning close, curling his fingers around Nick's now-unresponsive ones. He could barely hear Nick's breathing. Daniel pressed his lips to his grandpa's sunken cheek. "I love you," he whispered against the cool skin. He hoped Nick heard him, and that over the past weeks Nick had known.

He straightened and turned away. Jack was waiting for him, concern and caring in his brown eyes. Janet stood a little farther back, her hands in her lab coat pockets.

"You'll call if..." Daniel had to stop talking because there was suddenly a huge lump in his throat and he didn't trust himself to say anything further.

"I promise," Janet said. Her expression softened. "We'll keep him comfortable."

Daniel nodded. Jack put his arm over Daniel's shoulders. The weight of it felt good. Warm and comfortable.

"You ready?"

Now that the time had come to leave, Daniel was reduced to doing nothing more than nodding consent. He was tired. He trusted Jack. That was enough.  


* * *

The clock on the truck's dashboard informed Jack it was eleven thirty three. He debated turning on the radio or CD player and gave a quick glance over to Daniel. His partner was staring out the window although Jack was pretty sure Daniel wasn't seeing a thing. He knew the numbness that overtook a person at a time like this, could still remember the Air Force chaplain driving him and Sara home after they'd turned the life support off on Charlie, staring out a window at a world that had changed beyond his knowing.

Jack didn't speak--they'd be home soon enough. He turned his attention to the late night traffic. Stopping at a red light fifteen minutes later, he glanced over again to see Daniel with his head against the window. He was asleep. Jack pulled out when the light turned green only to slam on his brakes when another driver zoomed through the intersection on red in front of them.

"What?" Daniel yelled, startled out of the first rest he'd had in days.

"You okay?" Jack asked. The other driver's tail lights were only a speck in the distance now. He could feel his heart pounding and heard Daniel's hard breathing.

"I'm fine. You?"

"Yeah." Jack continued on the road. "Your place or mine?"

Daniel shrugged. "Doesn't matter."

Jack turned at the next intersection. His bed was far more comfortable. He heard Daniel zip up his jacket. Daniel reached out, turning on the heat although Jack found the temperature inside the truck just right. He suspected Daniel was going to crash hard when the crash came. There was a sigh from Daniel's side of the vehicle as Jack's house came into view.

"Home sweet home," Jack announced. Daniel gave a small snort of what might in other circumstances be termed laughter and was out of his seat in seconds.

By the time, Jack got in the house, Daniel was headed towards the bedroom.

"I'll get us something to drink," Jack called after him, catching sight of a waving hand before Daniel disappeared.

Jack carried the mugs of hot chocolate into the bedroom a few minutes later. Daniel was sprawled across the bed face down, one shoe kicked off and on the floor, the other still on his foot. His T-shirt was bunched up around his waist, showing the smooth skin on his back. Jack placed the mugs on the night table and eased himself onto the bed, twisting down to see Daniel's face. Just as he thought, Daniel was still wearing his glasses and the frames were pushed to one side. With the skill of long practice, Jack tugged on the frames, smiling as Daniel moved in his sleep and allowed him to pull them off the rest of the way.

Moving around the bed, Jack tugged off Daniel's other shoe and then grabbed the comforter from the bottom of the bed. He smoothed it over Daniel's back and shoulder before going to the bathroom. Teeth brushed, evening duties taken care of, Jack came back to bed and bunched a few pillows up behind his back. Daniel had turned in his sleep and was now on his back, holding a pillow to his chest. Jack reached out, touching the cowlicks that always appeared when Daniel slept. Daniel sighed and Jack smiled. It was good to be home.

The ringing phone startled Jack from the magazine he was reading. He answered, glancing at Daniel. He hadn't so much as twitched at the ring--a sure sign of his exhaustion. Jack got up from the bed as he said hello.

"Colonel."

It was Fraiser and Jack felt his heart speed up a bit. "Daniel's sleeping," he informed her. "When?" he asked, closing the bedroom door behind him.

"About ten minutes ago, sir." Fraiser sighed into the phone.

"I don't want to wake him. He's dead to the world," Jack said. "Is that okay?"

"As his physician, I'd say that right now, his rest is more important. There's nothing he can do here. Doctor Ballard will be taken to the morgue until Daniel can make arrangements."

"Thanks," Jack said. He leaned against the wall, closing his eyes. He hoped she knew it was for everything.

" Yes sir." There was a click on the other end. Jack stared at the phone for a few minutes before sighing and pushing himself away from the wall.

Daniel was still asleep when Jack returned to the bedroom. Jack decided he was going to let Daniel sleep. He could take any fallout from Daniel, although in Daniel's present state, Jack wasn't sure what reaction he was going to be dealing with.  


* * *

Jack looked up as Daniel appeared in the kitchen, his hair standing up in spikes from the shower Jack had heard him taking earlier, barefoot, and in an old T-shirt and sweatpants. As he did every morning he woke up at Jack' s house, Daniel headed straight for the coffee maker and poured himself a cup before sitting down at the table.

Saying nothing, Jack did two more of the downs on the crossword puzzle he was working on. Daniel took a few sips of the coffee and then gave a contented sigh as the caffeine hit his system.

"Sleep good?" Jack asked, closing the crossword puzzle book and looking at his partner. The dark circles under his eyes were still there, and he suspected Daniel was functioning more on auto-pilot than actually being totally refreshed by his one night of uninterrupted sleep in a comfortable bed.

"Yeah." Daniel took a gulp of coffee. "I want to get back to Nick as soon as possible. I know you just got back, but can you run me around to my house so I can get some other clothes? And why did you let me sleep in my clothes anyway?"

Jack took a deep breath. "Daniel." It was all he got a chance to say.

Daniel put his mug down. "When?"

"Fraiser called about fifteen minutes after we got home." Jack explained.

"You should have woken me," Daniel said, his tone and expression accusing. "I could have..."

"What? What could you possibly have done?" Jack countered. "Did you look in a mirror when you were taking that shower? You needed a break, Daniel." Jack placed his hands on the table and took another deep breath. "I probably should have told you then, but I decided not to." He stood up and went over to Daniel's side, bending down to kiss him. "I'll run you by your house to get some clothes whenever you want."

Daniel closed his eyes and leaned back, his head butting Jack's lower chest. "Thanks."

"Do you think you can eat something? We can stop at a diner before we go to the base." Jack asked. He kept his hand on Daniel's shoulder.

Daniel nodded and got up. "Can we go?"

Jack grabbed his keys from the hook by the back door. Daniel appeared to be shivering and full of nervous energy.

"Hey," Jack paused by the door. He touched the back of Daniel's neck, not sure if his partner would tolerate comfort or not.

"I'm okay," Daniel said, but he sounded as if he was trying to convince himself more than Jack. "Let's get going."

Jack locked the door behind them, not knowing what to say, but figuring his presence might be enough to give Daniel strength.  


* * *

Daniel closed his eyes as Jack drove through the rain. His suit jacket was slightly damp and smelled of wet wool. Jack turned on the radio, finding a classical music station and Daniel let the music soothe him. Jack's warm hand came over to cover Daniel's where it rested on the seat between them.

"You didn't need to do this," Daniel said. He sounded tired, even to himself, and his eyes burned.

"I wanted to." Jack's voice was calm, quiet, the way it had been since he waited for Daniel outside the morgue and then through all the arrangements for the funeral.

He opened his eyes and stared out the window. He'd honored Nick's final wishes, burying his grandfather in a small country cemetery in New York where the grandmother he'd never known who'd died giving birth to his mother lay at rest. Years of wandering and Nick had returned to the small town where he'd spent his childhood.

"Thanks," Daniel finally said, but feeling the words were sadly lacking.

Jack didn't say a word, only squeezed Daniel's hand once. "Our flight is at two. You okay with that?"

Daniel nodded. His head was pounding now and he felt sick to his stomach--a mix of sleep deprivation and grief. "I want to go home."

He let Jack guide him through the airport, drowsing on the benches while they waited for their flight to be called, napping on the plane and waking up a few times aware of Jack's steady presence. He didn't want to think for now. He didn't want to feel this ache. He'd never known Nick that well and the two short weeks he had at the end felt like a cheat--a brief glimpse into what might have been had Nick, and circumstance, been different. He wished they hadn't lost all those years.

"Do you mind going to the base?" Daniel asked when they put their overnight bags in the back of Jack's truck.

Jack raised his eyebrows. "No skin off my nose."

"Thanks," Daniel said. "I can get a ride home with someone else later."

"As if I'm gonna just leave you there." Jack snorted. "I can get some paperwork done while I wait."

"Paperwork?" Daniel felt the corners of his mouth lift in a smile.

"Hey, I do paperwork," Jack said.

Daniel just smiled. It felt good to be moving a few steps back to normal.

He stood in his office a half hour later looking at Nick's journals lying on his desk. He'd never looked at them while Nick was still alive, never taken the time to read of Nick's experiences off-world.

"I, uh, we should have talked about this while he was still alive," Daniel said to a waiting Jack. He held one of the journals in his hands. He turned it from front to back and then to the front again. He wished Jack would leave; he wanted to be alone with the pain that was hitting him now that Nick was gone for good, but Jack didn't seem in any hurry to depart despite his earlier announcement he had paperwork to do.

Daniel turned back to his desk, opening the journal, seeing a bold handwriting he recognized from postcards sent to him in his childhood. The words blurred beneath his gaze. For Daniel, my only grandson, was all he could make out before tears blotted out his ability to read. And then he was caught in a hard hug, the journal pinned between them, its hard edges pushing into his side.

"I'm here," Jack whispered. "I'm here."

Daniel nodded, letting Jack hold him, support him. He pushed away after a few minutes, wiping his face with his hand. "Sorry about that."

Jack made a sound Daniel couldn't quite interpret. Daniel placed the journal back on his desk. He was mourning the family he no longer had while all along Jack and the rest of them were waiting.

"Um, do you think Sam and Teal'c are around?" Daniel asked.

He saw Jack smile. "I'm sure Carter is fiddling with some sort of stuff in her lab and Teal'c is probably doing whatever it is ex-Jaffa do. Why?"

Daniel shrugged. "I was just thinking. We haven't had any time together as a team since you guys got back from the training mission. Well, except for that one meal and I don't know..."

"Let's go hunt them up," Jack said. "Go out for a meal, have some down-time."

"Dessert at your house?" Daniel asked, keeping his voice low as they walked into the hall.

"You and me?"

"No one else," Daniel said and took a shaky breath. "I have something special in mind."

"I can hardly wait," Jack said as they entered the elevator. "Just so you know, I'm cutting back on my sugar intake."

Daniel laughed. He couldn't help it. It felt wonderful. He knew the days ahead were still going to have moments of sorrow and regret, but for now, he was going to spend time with his family and take the time to let them know he loved them. Life was too short to spend all his time saying goodbye instead of hello.

  



End file.
